It was loneliness, wasn't it? Susan was lonely while he was in the middle of his crises. Of course in his distress he had not felt like having sex. She needed more than a physical presence: she needed a more attentive one centred on her. Would Angela be the same, have the same needs but in a different way?There were weeks and months when he had to work long hours out in the fields, basically all daylight hours, and they were long in summer. She would be alone with no one to talk to, no one to confide in. Would she end up getting in the car and going back to her friends and gradually needing them more than she needed him?That was it. It wasn't the isolation in itself, it was the need for her female friends and in fact for the whole of her friendship circle. He could not compete. Then there was the unrelenting routine of farming life, the early rising every day, year in, year out. He recalled the conversation about getting away for holidays. He never went away for holidays. Elaine was. . I don’t know what to say.”Karl laughs. “That’s a reaction I get a lot from men. I guess it’s like a guy picking up a chick and finding out she has a dick down there.”“What about the chicks you fucked?”Karl laughs again. “I’ve never fucked a chick before.”“Never?” Howard asks. “What about all the stories you’ve told before you went gay?”“All made up, man,” he answers. “It was a mix of fantasy and not wanting to be left out.”“Left out?” Howard questions.“Yeah,” he says before sighing. “When I first met you, I wanted it to be more than a friendship, and I thought having a background in sex like you would get me closer. Then I found out you were with Garth and by then it was too late, so I kept up the charade.”“You wanted to get with me?” Howard asks shocked. “With something like that, you could have anyone you want.”Karl sets the cup down, wiping his mouth with the back of his hand. “It seems easy, right? Nah, it isn’t. Most guys are curious enough about it to fuck me, but that’s about.
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